I'm Sorry
by Raelyn723
Summary: Jude has a nightmare and Callie, as always, is there to comfort him. But something is different about Jude's nightmares than normal kid nightmares. Why do people blame themselves for things out of their control? What happens when a certain foster brother overhears what the nightmare was about? This is probably a strong T. Let me know if it should change.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this is a little bit…darker than other stuff I've written. It's not terribly dark or anything but there are mentions of very serious issues like abuse, so if anybody is sensitive to this subject, forgive me, I don't mean to offend anyone.**

** In case people that already follow me because of the Austin and Ally stuff I wrote didn't notice, this is not Austin and Ally. This is The Fosters.**

** Anyway, I'm sorry if it sucks. I hope you enjoy it though, and no, I do not own The Fosters.**

With the wind blowing harshly outside, making trees scrape against the bedroom windows of the Fosters' house, it was no surprise to Callie when Jude snuck into her room after a nightmare.

The door creaked open and she was awake and sitting up within seconds. She was a light sleeper. Thank god Mariana wasn't.

Jude tiptoed over to her, careful not to wake Mariana and she stood up, following him out of her bedroom and into the hallway. Jude had always been overly sensitive to nightmares. Even the smallest things could come back to haunt him in the middle of the night. Especially when the weather was so stormy. None of the Fosters knew how often Jude had nightmares. It was only Callie he sought out for comfort.

They couldn't go into Jude's room that he shared with Jesus, so the two of them sat down in the hallway, between Jude's and Brandon's bedrooms.

Jude had certain looks for different types of nightmares. Different reactions to what he saw. When it was those simple ones, the normal ones, he was easy to comfort. He would look up at her with wide eyes and hold her hand until he calmed down and woke up enough to realize how unrealistic the dream was. But there was one type of dream that required a ton of patience and gentleness to make him feel better. Dreams that weren't just dreams. Dreams that were also memories. And with these dreams, he would never look Callie in the eye. He would keep his eyes cast on the floor, not touching her, just wanting to be near her. He would shake and shake and sometimes it would last all night because even now, after years of these nightmares, Callie didn't always know how to help.

It was one of those nights. He sat next to her on the floor, shaking. She didn't know what to do for her brother, but she wanted so badly to help.

"Which house was it this time?" she asked. She'd never really gotten him to talk about these nightmares before, but she figured it was worth a try. Beside her, she heard a creak from the floorboards and the quietest curse. She knew in an instant that Brandon was right on the other side of his door, but her priority was Jude. And he didn't seem to have noticed the noise.

Jude still hadn't answered and she was ready to resign to the idea that he wasn't going to answer. She would sit here all night with him, until he felt safe again in the rising sunlight and the chaos of the house. So she wasn't expecting it when Jude took a deep, shuddering breath and whispered, "John's."

John. John had arguably been the worst foster parent they'd had. He was different from the normal ones. He didn't _look_ like a terrible guy. He had a full head of dark brown hair that was always presentable. He wore jeans and clean t-shirts and worked a fancy, high-salary job. He was respectable. On the outside. When Callie had first seen him, she'd foolishly thought that he could be the first to be nice to her and Jude. She was wrong.

As Callie's breath hitched, Jude finally looked up at her out of the corner of his eye. He took in the slight flush to her cheeks and the way that she bit her lip like she was trying to hold something back and the slight sheen in her eyes. He knew this look, despite how little it ever happened. His sister was holding back tears. The thought struck a chord in him, and, ever the more sensitive of the two, Jude's eyes filled with tears which swiftly ran down his face.

Callie, silently grateful for the distraction from her memories, pulled Jude close to her listening to him sniffle and try to catch his breath. His fingers clutched at her shirt. She took a deep breath and asked, "What was it about Jude? What happened?" despite the fact that she probably already knew.

"It was the last time, Callie," he mumbled thickly through his tears. She knew instantly what he was talking about. Jude had always been slightly different from most boys his age. He liked nail polish and dresses and make up, which was all fine with Callie, but had never been fine with the foster families. John, on the last night they spent with them, had caught Jude with tinted lip balm.

"It was exactly like the memory Callie," Jude whispered, pulling away from her and staring at her with wide eyes and a tear-stained face. "He caught me with the lip balm and he…he hit me. And then you came running in and you pushed me out of the way and I fell and then he hit you. A lot," Callie cringed, causing Jude to cringe as he watched her. That same look flitted across Callie's face and Jude hesitated before continuing, but he wanted to get this dream off his chest. He didn't think he could handle this one alone. "And then he grabbed you, Callie, and he took you down the hall and into his bedroom and he locked me outside and I tried—I _tried_—to get in but I _couldn't,_" and now Jude was crying again. Tears were streaming down his face and he was nearly gasping for breath as he continued.

"And then all I could hear was you yelling and him…not yelling. And then you just stopped and everything felt so wrong and, and…" he paused, letting out several shaky breaths and sniffing. Callie couldn't stop her eyes from filling with tears, but she couldn't let herself cry in front of him. She wouldn't. It's just…she hadn't realized he'd been right outside.

"I'm so sorry Callie," he whispered. He wouldn't look her in the eyes and he started to pull away, but she locked her arms tightly around him, despite the shock and heart-wrenching guilt she felt at hearing those words. "I'm sorry. I tried to get in and I tried to help but I couldn't. I'm sorry."

Callie was nearly shaking. It took her several seconds to regain her composure. She looked down at Jude, so innocent and yet so much older than he should have to be. She shook her head. "Don't say you're sorry Jude," she whispered, emotion thick in her voice, "there was nothing, _nothing _that _anybody_ could have done. He put his dresser in front of the door Jude. Not even Stef could have gotten in," she mumbled that last part in his ear, not sure if it was true but hoping it would help Jude realize that what happened to her was _not his fault._

"But—" Jude started, only to be interrupted.

"There was _nothing _you could have done, Jude." It was a statement. And it left no room for argument. Jude sighed, finally accepting what she'd been trying to tell him. He snuggled closer to his sister and tried to calm himself down.

After a while of trying unsuccessfully to catch his breath and forget about his dream, Jude looked up at Callie again. She looked down at him, noticing that his eyes were still wet and he had that look in his eye that she hadn't seen in a long time, that help-me-forget sort of look that she barely remembered anymore. So she did the only thing she could think of. The one thing that used to work on him when he was little. She started singing.

Callie and Jude both knew that her voice wasn't perfect. In fact, it wasn't even close to perfect. Still, it wasn't bad either, and the slight wavering in her voice every now and then only seemed to add to the song as she sang quietly in his ear. He snuggled into her again, loving the way her voice made him feel so safe. Without either of them noticing as it happened, Jude slowly slipped into sleep.

Callie noticed his soft breathing, but she still finished off the song before she carefully rearranged Jude in her arms and stood up, carrying him into his room and tucking him in. She slipped out carefully, making sure not to wake either Jude or Jesus. After she shut the door, she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before turning around to face who she knew would be standing there.

Brandon.

**I'm thinking that there's going to be one more part. I realized earlier that I am not good at updating multi-chapter fanfictions, but I am decent at doing the one, two, three, or four shot chapter stories. Hopefully the characters aren't too OOC, but obviously they'll be a little different because I'm not the one who created them. **

**Thanks so much for reading, even if you don't do anything to acknowledge that you read it, know that I appreciate the simple act of reading through this whole chapter (:**

**Be safe. Be happy. Bye guys (:**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, favorite, or followed this story (: you have NO idea how much it means to be just to have people reading stuff I write, even if I never find out what they think of it or how it affects them. And thank you to anyone who does these things in the future as well. I think this is the last part so…yeah.**

** This next part talks more about the abuse and what happened to Callie than the first part did, so again, if anyone is sensitive to the subjects addressed here, I'm sorry and I don't mean to offend anyone.**

She had known Brandon was spying on her and Jude's conversation since the beginning. In the back of her mind, she wondered what he was thinking of the nightmare Jude had, what he was thinking about _her_ now that he knew more than anyone besides her and Jude knew. Still, she hadn't edited any of her conversation with Jude for Brandon's sake. Jude was, and always will be, her first priority.

She didn't make eye contact with Brandon as she walked to the same spot Jude had occupied and sat down. He followed her lead, sitting in her spot closer to his door.

The silence was rather loud. Both people were stuck in their own thoughts, trying to figure out exactly how to phrase what they wanted to say. You could hear the rain splattering on the roof, and the soft breathing of Brandon and Callie as they thought.

Brandon broke the silence. "Who was John?" he asked, voice tight with some sort of emotion Callie couldn't place.

"One of our old foster fathers," Callie answered immediately. Callie was kind of big on honesty. She would lie if she had to, and she was good at it too, but deep down she felt guilty every time she lied. And she hated it. So, she decided that she would answer all of Brandon's questions honestly, because she felt like she might, possibly, be able to trust him. It was sort of terrifying.

There was another long silence as Callie watched her shoes and Brandon took breaths as if he was going to say something, but decided against it.

"What did he do to you Callie?" he finally pushed out. It came out in a rush, so it took Callie a moment to understand what he'd asked. When she did, it took her another moment to think about how to answer truthfully but vaguely. Vaguely enough that he wouldn't see the emotions that fly across her face every time she thinks about what happened at more than one of her foster homes, but particularly at John's house.

But then she realized something. "I think you know," she answered, looking up at him, "I think you know, but you just want me to say you're wrong. And I can't."

He nodded, finally taking his gaze off of her and looking forward, into the distance as he whispered, "He raped you." It wasn't a question.

Callie stayed silent, trying to control the emotions crashing through her like waves. Nobody had ever said it out loud. She wasn't even sure that Jude understood exactly what had happened because she never said it. Each new wave of emotions seemed to rock against her, each one harder than the last. It seemed like the emotions were trying to drown her, drag her down farther and farther until she couldn't breathe anymore.

She was getting pretty close to sinking under when she realized Brandon was watching her again. She quickly put on that face she had practiced in the mirror so many times, used so many times. That face that said, "I'm fine. Don't worry about me," but it wavered for the first time in its history when she saw his expression.

Maybe if she'd told someone, she would be prepared. But she kind of doubted that someone else would have an effect on her like Brandon did. He wasn't looking at her like she was going to break, the way she had imagined people looking at her if she told. He wasn't looking at her like you look at fine pieces of china, with caution, as if with one touch they'd shatter and never be put back together.

No, he was looking at her like she was strong. Behind the anger, the fury that was so obvious in his eyes, there were so many other emotions, gentler emotions, and one of them was admiration.

"Did you ever tell anyone?" he asked, successfully disguising his emotions. Callie hadn't realized how good he was at deceiving people. If she hadn't looked at his face, seen the emotions displayed there, she wouldn't think he felt anything. When she shook her head in response, though, he betrayed more than one emotion.

He sighed, and then took a deep breath. "Why not," it was a loaded question. One that she couldn't answer vaguely unless she wanted him to keep asking more and more questions.

Taking a deep breath, she hurried to get all of the answers out of the way before the emotions crashed into her again. "If I told people, they would have taken me away from Jude. They would have sent me to a house with girls that had gone through 'the same things I'd gone through' and I wouldn't be able to protect him. Or even if they didn't send me away, they would have asked more questions and I would have to tell them that it wasn't the first time, nor was it the last, that the foster system put me into a house where _that _happened. And then we would have gone to court and I couldn't put Jude through that. He has enough to deal with as it is," she finished in a quiet whisper. She might have gotten quieter as she went on, but her voice didn't crack once, so a small bit of pride crept into her. She could keep her emotions in check…sort of.

The only problem was that now, as the silence seemed to wrap Brandon and Callie in a cocoon, she felt the waves coming toward her again, faster and harder than before. Tears filled her eyes before she could stop them, and she made sure she acted nonchalant as she turned her head away from Brandon so he wouldn't see.

He was seething next to her. He was fuming mad. This girl, this innocent, beautiful, wonderful girl, shouldn't have been put through any of that. Nobody should, but Callie…Callie deserved every happiness in the world and all she'd gotten was hurt. His hands shook as he thought through what she'd told him.

_It wasn't the only time. _He realized. _It happened more than once, not only in that house but in others too. _His breath was ragged in his throat and he tried to control himself as he turned to look at her.

She had turned away from him. He studied her frame, thinking about how strong she had been, to shoulder all of this herself. Jude couldn't understand what that implied, what that meant, even if he did understand a bit of what happened. She couldn't talk to him about it. He thought about how heavy that must be to carry around. To never trust anyone. Everything clicked in his head. Everything about why she was so guarded when she first came into the house, why she was always edgy when someone touched her or when she was alone with another person. And as he realized this, another realization hit him: she was shaking.

Callie was trying as hard as she could to stop the tears from spilling down her face, but it wasn't working. Just as they were about to fall, she felt Brandon gently run his hand under her chin, tugging it so that she was facing him. She looked down, ashamed to be weak in front of him.

But he didn't care. All he wanted to do was be there for her. He wanted to help her shoulder some of this burden. He wanted her to finally be able to really _breathe _again, without worrying about someone hurting her. He wanted to give Callie everything she deserved.

"Hey," he whispered, pulling her into him. She was shocked, to say the least, but his shoulder was a nice place to hide her face in. And it smelt nice. And he was rubbing small circles in her back. And she didn't feel like pulling away.

"Callie," he whispered, "Callie I'm sorry for what you went through. You never should have had to deal with that." His arms tightened around her, making her feel weak and strong all at the same time. Through the tears streaming down her face and into Brandon's shirt she was realizing that she really could trust him. And that maybe it was about time she let other people in. Because if this was how it felt to have one person there supporting her, she couldn't imagine what it was like to have others.

Brandon and Callie both started wondering if they should tell Stef and Lena. If nothing else it would be two more people who could help Callie not only deal with her past, but learn to love her future. Because there was no way in hell Brandon was letting her go to another home. Ever. And that would require telling his moms.

Before Brandon could take a breath to suggest telling them, Callie suggested it for him. "I should…probably tell Lena and Stef shouldn't I?" she mumbled into his shirt. Her voice was thick with tears and he couldn't see her face, but this was the most real that Callie had ever been. And it finally clicked in Brandon's mind that he was falling in love with her.

He nodded through his amazement at the revelation, knowing she'd feel it.

"Can we just…wait until morning? Please?" she was timid with the questions now, as if she expected him to drag her down the hallway and make her tell Stef and Lena right then and there. As if he'd want to stop holding her in his arms.

"Of course," he replied.

She pulled back suddenly, tears still dripping down her face, but she had a frantic look in her eyes. "Jude _can't _be involved. He doesn't need to know any more than he already does he—"

Brandon interrupted her. "Don't worry about Jude," he said, "none of us will tell him anything."

And with that, Callie nodded and rested her head against Brandon's shoulder again.

They both realized that Callie had a long way to go. Depending on what Stef and Lena said, Callie might have to tell more people, in greater detail. She might have to relive her past in front of the men from her past in court. But there would always be people from her present here to support her. Even if nobody else was there, Brandon would be.

Brandon heard her mumble something against his shoulder and it took a minute to make sense in his head, but once it did a rush of warmth surged through him. _You're more than everything I wanted, Brandon. _She'd said. And right then and there, he vowed to stay that way. To always be more than everything she wanted, and to always be everything she deserved.

**So…yeah. The end. Again, I'm sorry if anyone was sensitive to the subjects discussed here. I also know practically nothing about foster homes or how they work, but I highly doubt that people can actually be placed into homes like that. If they do then the system is really screwed up. I don't mean to offend anyone having to do with abuse or fostering or anything else.**

**Thank you to everyone who read this. It means so very, very much to me! I love hearing what people thought but I'm not much of a reviewer myself, so I'm not going to ask you to review. Thank you for reading!**

**Also, to anyone out there that is going through something tough right now, if you ever feel like…talking, then don't hesitate to message me or anything. I probably won't understand everyone's issues and I'm not going to lie and say that I do, but I am a good listener, so if you ever just want to talk then feel free to talk to me (:**

**One last thing before I go: If you ever feel bad or something bad is happening to you and you know you aren't safe, there are TONS of hotlines you could call. Make sure that the hotline you use is for your state, but know that you never have to go through things alone.**

**Be happy. Be safe. Bye guys (:**


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